one week

Lonely nights. So painful. 

Silent is my loudest scream i guess.

words

it hurts.

NOT FAIR

Happy

I wanna be completely happy again.

I miss that. I miss me. The happy me. 

wishes

Sometimes,all I'm thinking is to go far away and living by me myself. Away from problems,dilemma,choices and decisions. I wish I can live without thinking of others. Living by only caring bout myself because I cant please anyone. Sometimes,things are really hard that I wish "God please take me now. I can't do this,I can't never do that" but I'm still here. God still want me to be here. Learning, changing and waiting for the good in life. The thing is,  I had fallen many times that I'm now feeling so tired to get up and try again.

ANGAN

Ketika waktu mendatangkan cinta
Aku putuskan memilih dirimu
Setitik rasa itu menetes
Dan semakin parah

Bisa ku rasa getar jantungmu
Mencintaiku apa lagi aku
Jadikanlah diriku
Pilihan terakhir hatimu

Butterfly terbanglah tinggi
Setinggi anganku untuk meraihmu
Memeluk batinmu yang sempat kacau
Karna merindu

Butterfly fly away so high
As high as hopes I pray
To come and reach for you
Rescuing your soul
that precious messed up thoughts of me and you

Losing

Hopes and dreams are getting higher each day.
"Stop it, they said. Dont hope, ignore"
I tried to...but i cant.
why.. because sometimes it is the only way that keep me stronger and wiser.
Losing is better sometimes, but..
I dont want to lose this hopes and dreams.

Emotions

I dont know bout you, but i cry a lot to express my feelings. Im too sensitive over everything.happy or sad. Both can make me cry. I value everything to its limit nowadays,everything seems so special in a way that i feel i should appreciate this and that more, feeling bad everytime i dont do it. Even when emak asked me to cabut uban but i malas sbb nak tido plus no mood i rs ouh jahat gila aku. Terus terfikir cerita si tanggang. Eh takut. Sometimes i think i care about pepel too much dr diaorg sendiri care pasal diri.Sometimes i dont know what makes me too sad, i can just cry . Tiba2 pun ada. Just now i saw this baby yg jntung belubang baru2 lahir, i terus imagine how lah if its happening to me and my future baby. And... i cried. Im now thinking that i gt this cry hormone terlebih in my body.

love vs good looks

Good looks. The first thing in ure wishlist untuk lelaki dan perempuan idaman. But then will u actually love that person if they dont own a good heart? I annoy bila boys mengimpikan to get beautiful girls, body cantek bla bla bla but lepas dapat what happen? Sekadar bangga dapat these beautiful girls for u to show ure friends but not loving them with all ure heart. Tak buang masa u sendiri melayan keranah perempuan2 cantek tu. N then bila body diaorg berubah gemok lah cacat ka bekudis ka hati u pun senang2 lah berubah kan. Reason nya u just love their good looks 200 peratus dari yang lain. Sama jugak untuk perempuan yg nak perfect boy sgt. I honestly that type yg akan jugak tengok good looks but then when i slowly get to know someone special,i will fall with their personalities or anything good in them. Ada ja yg mcm tu jugak. I just fikir tak adil untuk type sebaleknya tadi. Because makin u tua pun benda tu fade away jugak. I kagum dengan bapak2 yang setia dgn mak mak yang dah tua,tak pandai begaya, saiz badan pun dah comel2, tak pandai mekap tapiii still sayang bini beribu lemen. Zaman sekarang banyak lah macam tadi, body berubah,hati pun berubah. Piki hati sendiri boleh, tapi jangan sampai menyakitkan hati org lain. How about ure spouse? Anak2 ka? Parents yg impikan anak2 hidup bahagia bekeluarga? Slalu baca ayat "tuhan tak bagi apa kita nak, dia bagi apa kita perlu" now i agree with this.

miss me

I wonder what will happen if i die young.. i mean like now. Will anybody miss me. Will anybody act care about it. Or will they just be like.. "okay,stop crying.life must goes on.." i wanna feel it again. For somebody to miss me real hard before i die because when i die i cant feel it again. Miss me will you??

feeling off lately

Conversations... What do you feel when you talk with someone and ure the one yang act looking too eksaited to talk with them? Or they suddenly tembak u with hurtful words, sometimes bukan hurtful words but then words yg make u think ah bodohnya cakap baik2 last2 aku kena main main. How can you make someone feel that way?? Suckers. I always think like okay what words shud i use to make sure this polan polan feeling good everytime they talk with me, everytime they text me. I get this a lot nowadays. I think when u are getting older, u mmg kena jaga hati sendiri lebih,pujuk hati sendiri lebih. Sometimes, no one will care that much for you. Becoz everyone gt their own priorities. Sigh. Missing my childhood. Less stress,more fun and nothing to care

WALK AWAY

HOW DO YOU LOOK AT SOMEONE YOU LOVE AND TELL YOURSELF IT'S TIME TO WALK AWAY? TELL ME HOW. I JUST CANTTT i'm not ready yet but i cant do this anymore.I force myself too much. Some things are too complicated. i cant fix them anymore. I even dont know if its love or i am the one who are too crazy over you. hurt.

DEPRESSION

Honestly, im not that good in handling my emotions. Going tru depression is killing me! Damn everything just sucks. I'm crying myself to sleep. I hate this. I used to be soooo sabar than this but now I JUST CANT!!! i wanna go back home. i want that space, where i can live with my family with no worries, no doubts, no tension. I SUPER HATE this place! and all the words that bring me down just make my heart feels so keras untuk berlembut with everthing, nak take everything calm and steady. I cant help it anymore. Can i be that strong again? to just telan, hadap dan rasa semua ? hish