Life Updates

It's already December.

Good start for this month as my SPP interview went well.

November left me with dull routine (makan,tido,kuang-kuit #repeat) 

and also the last examination result, which is quite disappointing

but of course you should always be thankful because you LULUS

well now i'm officially out from the campus, officially waiting to be posted,insyaAllah and officially tamat pengajian! wiiiiiiyaaaaa. syukur Alhamdulillah. 

mixed feelings actually. you know, all the hard work,endurance,tears and sleepless nights.. even though you are not always thattt focus towards studies.. everything just feel "arhhh relief" 

it PAID OFF well. selayaknya. seiiring dengan takat usaha. 

but of course, i still feel afraid 

I woke up everyday thinking what if this.. what if that..

All these uncertainty in life are driving me crazy. 

I really hope i can get through this phase of life and feel so much better than what i feel right now.

because God surely is the best planner. May He always watch over me and my loved ones. 

p/s: i miss you so much 

stuffy

lonely, empty and silent night again. The reasons why i blog this.

I finally realised that i really have trouble sleeping at night.

I don't even remember when was the last time i had a good sleep.

It's either i'm too tired or on meds, and yeah i got my beauty sleep only at those times.

Holidays will be over in 4 days but I already feel so stuffy.  I'm now prefer to be alone at all times doing nothing other than scrolling my fb and ig updates. lifeless i am. Only went out for family events,my parents' reunion and sisters' outing(2-3 hours like that). too lazy to drive or looking for anything fun to do. too lazy to contact my friends (it's not that I hate trying to keep up with them,but i just don't like putting an effort into making them right now. Of course i miss my friends. But still, urgh i'm not fun anymore) too lazy to do anything that involves me in thinking. I really prefer to be alone now but  it still makes me feel stuffy because i did a lot of thinking!!

These days, all i did was thinking on surviving myself. On everything. Study life,social life, love life, work life urgh EVERYTHING. How i wish life will be easier. unfortunately....

this happened almost everyday

till next time blog. too lazy to type  xx

late night thoughts

Just watched Pilot Cafe tonite and i feel that it is such a breathtaking and heartwarming movie. I cried and came out from the hall with my red eyes and red nose hahaha. Despite the film controversy,i really think that the movie was able to convey a very good message of love; God's love and fam's love. I can relate myself to it too and that is the most hateful part haha cause i kenot stop crying the moment i gt the feeling ahhhhh kenot move on. Butttt the most important part is i learned a lot from the movie! I agree that it's true that no matter how great u feel the love from anyone or being loved, 'it' is belongs to Him. The feeling, the love that you received,the nikmat, the hardships and everything u have datang dengan izinnya. And i really love the way that movie mengangkat martabat seorang wanita and showed that men are supposed to be the men who can be the one who guide women to the right path,pelindung dan mengasihi seikhlasnya. of course people would say " itu semua dalam drama ja" but how nice it is if we can take the good ones as the inspiration to do good and be better. Yes,everybody in this world is a sinner. Humans made mistakes. But people changed,and people can always change. The memories will just stay.  i wish i can erase some, hmm. It breaks my heart again and again whenever everything im not proud of came across my mind. It scares me a lot how will I face dear Allah with all the cracks. I know I cant never erase it but now I'm so grateful that He always show me the way closer and closer to Him and I know,he's there with me in every battle I fought. I hope that Ill never loose faith,never stray away again and I pray that He will always surround me with good people. Im so grateful for this life now. Syukur Alhamdulillah.

i'll wait

Waiting.

I can wait. For me, you can take ure time as much as you want to. 

BUT please.. make sure you can make it up with acceptable excuses. Cause you know, waiting can be so painful and tiring sometimes.  It just break me down ( a lil bit) when it happens

p/s: this feeling is applied to any situation. Especially when i wait for my food when dining out. 😁 #makeitworthlikemyyummehfood

Battle Scars

"Battle Scars"

Hope the wound heals but it never does
That's cause you're at war with love
You're at war with love

These battle scars don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle...
Never let a wound ruin me
But I feel like ruin's wooing me
Arrow holes, they never close from Cupid on a shooting spree
Feeling stupid cause I know it ain't no you and me
But when you're trying to beat the odds up
Been trying to keep your nods up
And you know that you should know
And let her go
But the fear of the unknown
Hold another lover strong
Sends you back into the zone
With no Tom Hanks to bring you home
A lover not a fighter
On the front line with a poem
Trying to write yourself a rifle
Maybe sharpen up a stone
To fight the tanks and drones of you being alone
I wish I never looked, I wish I never touched
I wish that I could stop loving you so much
Cause I'm the only one that's trying to keep us together
When all of the signs say that I should forget her
I wish you weren't the best, the best I ever had
I wish that the good outweighed the bad
Cause it'll never be over (never be over) until you tell me it's over

These battle scars don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle scars don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle...
You shouldn't have but you said it
(And I hope you never come back)
It shouldn't have happened but you let it
Now you're down on the ground screaming medic
The only thing that comes is the post-traumatic stresses
Shields, body armors and vests don't properly work
That's why you're in a locker full of hurt
The enemy within and all the fires from your friends
The best medicine's to probably just let it win


I wish I couldn't feel, I wish I couldn't love
I wish that I could stop cause it hurts so much
And I'm the only one that's trying to keep us together
When all of the signs say that I should forget her
I wish you weren't the best, the best I ever had
I wish that the good outweighed the bad
Cause it'll never be over, until you tell me it's over


Cause you set me on fire
I've never felt so alive, yeah

No, hoping wounds heal, but it never does
That's because you're at war with love

And I'm at the point of breaking
And it's impossible to shake it (yeah)

See, you hoped the wound heals, but it never does
That's cause you're at war with love
Hope it heals, but it never does
That's cause you're at war with love!

Stay

Idk how to describe this feeling

Im just so happy 

Happy to feel this again.

The feeling of so much love around me and being in love all over again

Stay.. please make this feeling stay longer.. i want it to stay longer..